pilee

maybe now it will be easier to stop feeling like a mechanical failure, cables tangled up everywhere until they cover my field of vision and i have to try and untie them but it's so much easier to use the scissors. the moment before i fall asleep i try to think of it as art but it doesn't change anything, i have put myself in a tiny shoe box and i shouldn't be surprised to run out out of oxygen, so i try to revel in it, make myself blind to avoid conflict. it gnaws into me like guilt and it isn't really alive but i feel like it is draining me and i can't see it as anything but slowly being pulverized. i want to look away but this tim

 she hollowed out the fear in you, that once rested in your rib-cage like a safe haven, somewhere to lose yourself   when falling. (she stole it with less than a whisper). you stood cold and resilient, the void tugging at your sleeves with fierce determination. you stood empty and brave. she never gave you a destination, wordlessly she carved your route out of denied tears, an unfinished map with no coastlines. you left and the abyss followed your trail like a bloodhound, promised to devour you whole. you left to find the sea.